A Way Beyond the Rainbow

#88 - Podcast Finale

March 25, 2022 Waheed Jensen Season 5 Episode 23
A Way Beyond the Rainbow
#88 - Podcast Finale
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

In the podcast finale, we take a look at the entire journey across all five seasons and reflect on key take-home messages and memorable words from my guests and co-hosts. We wrap up with acknowledgments, a dedication, and final words and prayers.

Link to A Way Beyond the Rainbow book

Background music used in the episode:

(0:39-4:14) Now We Are Free (theme from Gladiator), 2CELLOS
(4:14-7:39) River Flows in You, Yiruma
(7:39-13:51) Adagio in G Minor (Albinoni), HAUSER with the Zagreb Philharmonic Orchestra
(13:51-17:21) The Lonely Shepherd (Georghe Zamfir and James Last), HAUSER with the London Symphony Orchestra
(17:22-23:04) My Heart Will Go On (theme from Titanic by James Horner), 2CELLOS
(23:05-31:00) A Way of Life (theme from The Last Samurai), Hans Zimmer
(31:01-33:53) Once Upon a Time in the West (Ennio Morricone), HAUSER
(33:54-37:31) Tennessee (theme from Pearl Harbor), Hans Zimmer
(37:32-39:28) La Valse d'Amélie (Version orchestre), Yann Tiersen
(39:28-44:26) Never Too Late, Yanni
(44:27-48:56) Playing by Heart, Yanni
(48:57-51:45) House of Cards, Audiomachine
(51:54-57:45) Guardians at the Gate, Audiomachine (extended)
(57:46-1:01:12) Song of the Caged Bird, Lindsey Stirling
(1:01:13-1:07:29) Farewell - In His Purest Form, Yanni
(1:07:30-1:10:23) Breath and Life, Audiomachine (extended)
(1:10:24-1:13:07) Above and Beyond, Audiomachine
(1:13:08-1:17:07) In the Mirror, Yanni
(1:17:08-1:20:04) Almost a Whisper (Seléna's Theme), Yanni
(1:20:45-1:25:20) Chopin's Nocturne in C Sharp Minor (Frédéric Chopin), HAUSER with the London Symphony Orchestra
(1:25:25-1:28:41) Mia and Sebastian's Theme (theme from La La Land by Justin Hurwitz), HAUSER with the Zagreb Philharmonic Orchestra
(1:28:43-1:31:31) Valerie (theme from V for Vendetta), Dario Marianelli

Waheed  01:55
Assalamu alaikom. We have officially come to the end of our journey together. And while this podcast journey ends, our journeys of healing, growth and purification keep on going, insha’Allah. As long as we have time left on this earth, we keep moving towards the Almighty, seeking His nearness, asking for His forgiveness, and striving for His sake.

I thought I’d make this last episode special, by inviting all the guest speakers and co-hosts to speak with us one last time, as we reflect together on our journey over the past five seasons, while some of my favorite instrumental music plays in the background. I hope you enjoy our last trip together, insha’Allah.

03:12 
My goal with this podcast series has always been to create a comprehensive resource for Muslims who experience same-sex attractions or gender dysphoria, as well as their families and loved ones, in addition to the community at large, for all of us to understand the matter from multiple angles, and to provide practical, God-conscious advice that would enable us to live a life true to Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala and Islam. 

In season one, we started with building foundations and understanding the psychological dimensions of the matter. We talked about foundational concepts like shame, self-compassion, vulnerability, connection and belonging. We dissected the identity paradigm and presented the alternative Islamic paradigm. Towards the middle of the season, and before digging deep into the other topics, my dear friend Sinan joined us and shared with us his incredibly moving story, which he called “from devastation to tranquility”. Sinan’s message for all of us towards the end of his episode was as follows: “So regardless of how devastated you feel, and how hopeless you feel, you should know that I've been there in your shoes. I felt the exact same thing. But you should also know that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala obviously always keeps His promises, and that He will lift this burden for you, when the time has come, inshaAllah. There's hope, and you should never lose hope. I lost hope, and it was almost fatal. Please don't ever lose hope. This is my message to all my brothers and sisters out there who are suffering from this. I know what you're going through. I've been there. I've been in your shoes. It will get manageable, inshaAllah. It will get better, inshaAllah, the second you're ready to make peace with your destiny, inshaAllah ta'ala. And I hope that you will find someone who can help you facilitate that. Which brings me to my second message: to the Muslim Ummah. Please reach out to your Muslim brothers and sisters who are suffering from this. We need you. It's actually crucial that you step up. We need you. You may save - this may be your ticket to Jannah, inshaAllah, to help a fellow Muslim reach peace and acceptance. And on top of the reward that comes from that, you will have a life-long Muslim who will make du'aas for you. I have made niyyahs - I make a lot of duaas for my guardian angel, every single day. Obviously. I can't stop making du'aas to that man. He is my guardian angel, my savior. And on top of that, I have made du'aas that every single breath of mine is to be accepted as a du'aa for him. So please, to the Muslim Ummah: Please, please, please stop ostracizing us. Stop alienating us. Create an environment that is inviting. It's called da'wah. It's an obligation. Please, uphold that.”

In the second half of season one, we dived into tough topics. So we spoke about the genesis of gender nonconformity and same-sex attractions, we talked about genetics and predisposition, environmental influences and development. We spoke about family dynamics, parental and sibling influences, peer wounds, inferiority, body image wounds, cultural and social wounds, as well as abuse. We also spoke about defensive detachment and the reparative drive. We also dived deep into shame and anticipatory shame, narcissistic tendencies and psychological defenses, and my dear friend Fares helped put together this material in episode nine, and he shared a simple yet very profound message with us towards the end. He said, “I want to mention something that I've learned in Egypt from my psychiatrist, the very first time I came to the group. He told me, "Be real and feel in order to heal."” And indeed, what a foundational message.

We then spoke with Michael Gasparro from the Nicolosi Breakthrough Clinic who spoke to us about different models of therapy, like reintegrative therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, affect-focused therapy and body work, how to navigate the grey zone preceding any kind of homosexual reenactment, as well as other relevant topics. Michael’s take-home message as a therapist was that of hope. “Yeah, I would say that the last word I want to give is one of hope. I personally have dealt with unwanted same-sex attraction, and it began to surface in very sexualized ways through puberty. And I'm now 33 years old and I live as best as I can, according to my Catholic faith, I'm a Catholic. And that means right now that I live in a way that we would call celibately. And that means that I'm trying to order my sexuality towards my state in life as a single man. And as a Catholic, there are basically two options: you can be celibate or you can be married. But you know, being gay is not a part of that equation. So I chose to follow my faith, and therapy helped me a lot, it helped me to come to terms with some of my wounds and my struggles and helped me to find healing in a way that moved the needle to where my experience of same-sex attraction over time diminished significantly, and my opposite-sex interest increased significantly. We call this my "heterosexual potential" is the word we use in the clinical world. So, beyond just reducing same-sex attraction, my word of encouragement would be that, while we don't recommend that every client get married or push marriage on anyone, that the thing to remember is there are people -  for some individuals, who find, as they overcome some of the underlying issues for the same-sex attraction, including myself, that no longer becomes the thing holding them back from being able to consider the possibility of being married to a woman one day. And I want to encourage people to remember they're not alone. They might be in a country where they think that this is not talked about or there aren't others that are like them. But I have many clients from countries around the world that are from places that they wouldn't realize others nearby have the very same issues. So to continue to have hope and encouragement, and know that God loves them and is with them in this process.”

And in the last episode of the season, I’ve had the honor of speaking with the wonderful Richard Cohen who shared with us gems from his book Coming Out Straight, as we discussed his four-stage model of healing. And towards the end of the episode, Richard’s message for all of us was, “I love you very much. I understand you're hurt. I understand your pain. I understand perhaps your despair and hopelessness. I have lived it. I'm with you. Allah is with you and you will heal. You will resolve, because that's God's will. And this is temporary. You're just on a little island called SSA. It's not defining who you are. It's just that some of your experiences led to these desires. I promise, if you work through your issues and get the support and love of others, you will come out the other side and fulfill your dreams. God loves you, I love you, and I believe in you, inshaAllah.”

14:22
In season 2, we turned our attention to spiritual and religious themes that are foundational on our path of healing and growth. We discussed themes of Divine love and mercy, the wisdoms and beauty of hardships, trials and tribulations, the importance of patient forbearance, as well as lessons and gems from the lives of prophets and righteous predecessors. We also spoke about attachments and surrender, the true meaning of la ilaha illa Allah, there is no god but Allah, in light of true surrender and detachment from anything and anyone but Him. We then talked about gifts and Divine openings that we actually experience with our particular struggle, like empathy and altruistic behavior, as well as particular talents that Allah has blessed us with. We also spoke about role models who are especially relevant to us, like Ibn Dawud Al-Zahiri, David and Jonathan, as well as Shams and Rumi, whose pure and God-conscious love fueled their lives and immortalized their stories. I absolutely adore episodes 19 and 20, and I hope you do, too.

After that, my friend Hashim joined me over five episodes, and we spoke about the concepts of temptation and sin, in light of the story of Adam and Eve (peace be upon them), and the many lessons we can derive from their story. We then dissected the story of the people of Lut (PBUH) and discussed pertinent lessons that are of immense relevance to our lives today. We also spoke about the wisdom behind desires as well as practical ways to curb our desires in light of the influences of Shaytan and our nafs. And then, we ended the series by talking about repentance, spiritual awakening and pitfalls to watch out for on our spiritual journeys as well. 

Hashim left us with these powerful gems, “I think we, we should all help each other, to remain God centric. And that's the purpose of all of this right through prayer through Quran - the advice that all the Prophets gave to their people was, you know, be conscious of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Be aware of the bigger journey of what we're doing here.  With anything, whether it's SSA, whether you're struggling with other things. It's that, that first step is bringing yourself back home, bring yourself back to your center and going “What am I doing here? What is the purpose of all this?”  Defining that, defining that goal that we have. That, that, that is our journey towards Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Once we have that then other things can fall into place, and other decisions become a lot easier, don't they? As in, if we have that as our center, you know just like, everything has a center like planets orbit around the sun, when we go for tawaf, we the orbit around the Ka’bah, we, we have to have that center that connection with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, and then start living life in light of that. And I think once once we have that, that other things become easier other things fall into place, then you can deal with tragedy, then you can deal with loss and you can deal with the ups and downs because you are centered, because you have that understanding of why this is happening and what I'm doing here and where I've come from, and where I'm going, and who I'm going back to. And the fact that this is the ‘dunya’, you know, dear brother reminded me, the reason it's called the dunya is because this is the lowest form of life and we weren't made for this. We were made for the next world, our real homes in the next world and we will wake up when we go there and it's just, it's I know it's really hard and I know you know when you're in your 20s or teens or whatever, to, to think about this because you've got so much going on at school, you've got family, you've got exams, you've got relationships and social structures. But the most important thing is, is our connection with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala through prayer, through Quran, and then living life with that at its center.” 

And in the season finale, the wonderful Amina joined me and shared with us her story which she entitled, “Coming home to Allah from a same-sex marriage.” Her take-home message to us was very heartwarming, where she said, “Yeah, I mean, I think I would want to say what I wish someone had told me when I was 5, when I was 6, when I was 12, when I was 16, when I was 21, 25, 31… When I was whatever age. I wish someone had just told me “I love you, you are loved, you are perfect, and you are perfect simply because you exist, you don't have to do anything, you can literally wake up and you can take a breath and you can lay in your bed all day, and then you can go to sleep, and you can repeat that every day. And that doesn't make you any less perfect. God created you perfect with all your imperfections.” And I think that we get on this trip that we basically have to be great people every day, and then we have to save the world every day and all this stuff, and that's what will make us great - I don't think it works like that. I think that all you have to do is, you just have to exist, you know, you're just perfect, just in that, and everything you do after that that is pleasing to Allah, that's just a bonus. But I don't think we get told that enough. I think we get told that, you know, we're bad and the football that we're throwing around is made out of pigskin and all the stuff, and it's like, man, we just really took that, we took it away. We're not told that we're perfect, that we're good people, you know, I don't think anybody really wants to be bad, you know? And so, I wish somebody had told me that, and that they told me that, “Hey, everything's going to be okay. You know, just one day at a time everything's going to be okay. You don't have to have this all figured out today.” And I will never have this all figured out. You know, I will never, I think this is a lifelong journey, but we're all on the journey together, you know?”

In season 3, our focus was on support systems and building friendships and networks that can help us in our journey of healing and recovery.  We talked about different kinds of friendships and their values and limitations, and we spoke about how to disclose one’s SSA to close friends and family members. We then went international with our guests who came from different countries from around the world. Br. Ali Jaafery joined me from the UK and spoke to us about his organization, “Strong Support” and the incredible work they’re doing to help individuals experiencing same-sex lust, as well as their families. He also joined me again later in the season to tell us more about the Mankind Project, New Warrior Training, and Noble Man healing weekends. What was Br. Ali’s take-home message for all of us? “I think the biggest thing which I got from my journey was the understanding that Allah subhanhu wa ta’ala has tested you with SSA, because He knows you have the ability to see it, to understand it and to overcome it. Because Allah does not trial a soul with more than it can bear. So, if He's gifted you with that, then He has gifted you, because you are a special individual who has a difficult trial. You know, our Prophets had immense trials which we cannot fathom, but that showed their stature, that showed what they were capable of. So, if Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala has given you this trial, then know that He also is there to help you get out of it. And, you know that's very important.”

After that, I spoke with my friend Yousef from Canada who’s the main admin of the online support group, Straight Struggle, and he spoke to us about what the group does and how it helps men and women who experience same-sex attractions or gender dysphoria. Br. Yousef’s take-home message for all of us was the following: “First and foremost, look, you're not alone. People that are dealing with this, I know times can get difficult. This is not an easy struggle, by any means, especially when you're in your teens or in your 20s, this can be really, really difficult. And I acknowledge that, and I think all of us can acknowledge that. But rest assured that you're not alone. Rest assured that, in the vast majority of cases, things do get better with time. And stick to Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. You know, no matter what happens, sticking by Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala, sticking by Islam is ultimately all that really matters to us as Muslims. And then the flip side is not to get drawn to people who are trying to deviate from the teachings of Islam or distort the teachings of Islam. They're out there, and may Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala guide them and guide all of us… So yeah, find your place on this path, on this struggle, and may Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala guide you and all of us and bring about everything that is good for us. We're not going to succeed always, and if we fail, then the only option that we have, as Muslims, is that we get up and keep on going, until the last breath, until we meet Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. That is what's asked of us, that we continue on this path, that we continue on this path of Islam, and that we do our best to stick by Allah.”

After that, Chris joined me from Australia and spoke to us about 12-step programs and sexual recovery programs, and later shared with us his story which he called “"Stuck on 'Step Minus One'?" The Medical Aspects of Sexual Recovery”. And his take-home message for us was, “Baby steps. Baby steps. Find something small and attainable. Listen to that five-minute health changes podcast to just give you an idea of how simple that change in life can be. And it's not just about health, it's about spiritual as well. Look for progress, not for perfection. And remind yourself - my sponsor would say this to me, and I do this with the guys I work with, and I've had it with someone I was talking to this morning – ask yourself, “How does that compare to two or three years ago?” That's a basic sort of learning paradigm that will reinforce our progress. If we're not affirming the progress, if we’re feeling too much a sense of failure, we won't be motivated to move forward. And finally, something that a Muslim guy I work with, you know, when I've asked him to describe this Higher Power, he says, “Allah is Merciful.””

We also spoke with Robert Gollwitzer from Germany who spoke to us about Homosexuals Anonymous and the 14-step program, which is an extension of the 12-step recovery programs. And Robert’s take-home message towards the end of his episode was, “Sometimes people think churches, political parties, whatever, if they're going after conversion therapy, that's not a bad thing, that should be done. No, they're not going after conversion therapy, as such, they are going after everybody who has a different opinion than the gay activists’. If you think that's none of your problem, you'll be very surprised, because after that, comes something else, and something else, and something else. And at some point, you'll be living in a totalitarian state. And you'll be very surprised that there is nobody anymore that helps you, if you want to speak out. So stand with the people who are open in their opinion, in their faith. Science is not free, if it's becoming political. And that's the worst thing that can happen. Don't let a tiny minority of gay activists take over the whole state and tell you what to think, what to do and what not, by abusing science and many other things. Use your brains, that's why the Lord gave them to you. And as last words, pray for us.”

After that, I had the pleasure of speaking with Richard Wyler, the founder of Brothers Road and the creator of the Journey into Manhood. We spoke about weekend retreats and healing programs offered by Brothers Road as well as many resources and support groups that they have. And the take-home message that he shared with us was, “It really is your own choice. You do have choices. You can find a peaceful solution that meets your needs. We put a lot of emphasis on the platonic brotherhood - platonic brotherly love, in my experience, is far more rewarding than a sexual or romantic relationship between men. And that's something that we help create in a community that we create. So, this isn't about suppressing, it's about actually getting authentic needs met. And I believe we can help you do that.”

We also spoke with Jeremy Schwab from the US and Alan Alencar from Brazil who told us about "Joel 2:25" and the international initiatives associated with the organization, and Jeremy’s take-home message was the following: “I’d say to really trust in God, in Allah, and to be open to discovering things, discovering more about yourself, discovering more resources and opportunities for healing, and to surrender any expectations or attachments, especially attachments to things that are destructive. This journey isn't a fixed linear path. So, there's going to be ups and downs, there will be times that can be discouraging, but just to keep moving forward, you know, because that's really where the answer is, you know, that as long as we're still living, we're still growing and there are still opportunities.”

Another major theme that we covered in season 3 is about marriage and celibacy, as well as intimacy and sex. We dived deep into the topic of marriage: its legal rulings, our personal choice and how to navigate that in the context of familial or communal pressure, putting in the work before and during marriage, disclosure of one’s SSA to one’s spouse and how to navigate that, as well as the topic of celibacy and remaining single. I also had the pleasure of having Dr. Rana Khaled as a guest speaker who spoke to us about topics related to intimacy and sexual performance, especially given one’s experience with same-sex attractions. We spoke about cultivating intimacy, etiquettes and tips for intimate relations, foreplay, actual play and after play, as well as dealing with particular challenges that spouses may face. 

And we wrapped up season 3 with the wonderful Alan who shared with us his story of healing, recovery and growth, and he was kind to share with us many tips and pieces of advice as a married man in his 60’s who has first-hand dealt with SSA and particular addictive behaviors, and how his journey led him to become a mentor to many fellow wayfarers from around the world. His take-home message to us was, “Okay, I have two things I'd like to share. First, perhaps the most important thing for a person with same-sex attraction that they need is to believe in themselves. And I'll say it again, believe in yourself. Allow yourself to believe that you can choose a new narrative, and that this will change your life. Your past doesn't define your present or your future. Allow yourself to believe. And the second thing I would say, you need to learn to live in the moment. Don't obsess about the past that you can't change, and don't waste your energy or don't give anxiety to the future. Focus on now. Be present with your feelings. Be present and focused on the people who are in your circles that you are connected to in healthy relationships.”

39:28
In season 4, we dived deep into healing and recovery work. We began by talking about the healing power of words, using the 3 L’s (listen, love and last) described by Richard Cohen, as well as his conception of the layers of personality, which we used as a framework for healing, in that the purpose is to get through the layers of false selves and conditioning, anger, pain and hurt until we get to our authentic selves. After that, we spoke about self-awareness, which is a foundational theme on our journey of healing. We spoke about our subconscious auto-pilot mode, and the importance of mindfulness and cultivating conscious awareness in our everyday lives, and how all that is crucial as we navigate past traumas as well as addictive behaviors. 

After that, my friend Aadam joined me on a 4-episode series as we dissected the big topic of understanding and healing from complex trauma. We talked about the fight-flight-freeze response as well as the myriad of parental dynamics that are associated with complex trauma. We also spoke about shame and its impact on self-perception, and then dived into the effects of complex trauma on the realms of emotions, cognition, behavior and inter-personal relationships, in addition to the big topic of trauma bonds. We then spoke about a holistic healing approach through the bio-psycho-social-spiritual model.

We then spoke about inner child work and reparenting, which involves understanding attachment theory, identifying our inner child archetypes, and understanding how the inner child, inner parent and inner adult function. We also spoke a lot about practical inner child work as well as using that perspective to manage everyday triggers, with lots of resources, tips and meditations on the topic.

After that, the wonderful Amina joins me again over a couple of episodes where we spoke about adult attachment and trauma bonding, codependency and emotional dependency, as well as practical work to heal from unhealthy attachment and dependency patterns. We also spoke about a fundamental stepping stone in our healing journey, which is healthy boundaries. We dived deep into different kinds of boundaries and how to define, communicate and maintain one’s boundaries, as well as dealing with individuals who display pathologically narcissistic tendencies and behaviors, particularly if they’re parents or family. 

Afterwards, we dived into topics of sexual recovery, starting with Islamic sexual ethics and gender norms. We touched upon the sexual revolution and how it changed the landscape as far as sexual ethics are concerned, and we contrasted that with our Islamic sexual ethics and the focus on proper relations and boundaries between the male and female. We then spoke about masturbation from its legal (fiqh), physiological and psychological angles, taking into consideration particular complexities, nuances and practical tips relevant to men and women dealing with same-sex attractions.

Afterwards, we dived into a 4-episode comprehensive series on understanding and overcoming porn and sex addictions. We talked about the nature of addiction, from physiological, emotional and personal perspectives, and we looked at the damaging effects of porn and the horrifying realities associated with the porn industry. We then discussed many practical techniques to help us demystify sexual triggers and overcome the urges of sexual "acting out", utilizing many mindfulness and conscious awareness techniques. We also covered the withdrawal period, potential pitfalls and mind games on the journey of healing and recovery, as well as practical tips and tools that we can use on our journey, including helpful apps, websites and support systems, as well as tips on how to deal with periods of difficulty, and how to disclose to people close to you, should you choose to do so. And we wrapped up the series by examining relevant spiritual themes on the journey of sexual recovery, including patience, perseverance, surrender, repentance and going back to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, as well as many lessons from the story of Prophet Yunus (PBUH) in relation to sexual recovery. There are also three SOS meditations that I’ve recorded to help you navigate moments of emotional or sexual triggers that you may go through.

Another major topic that we covered in details is the topic of sexual abuse. We discussed relevant definitions and statistics, reasons why survivors do not disclose their sexual abuse experiences, and we highlighted some of the psychological and emotional repercussions of sexual abuse. We also covered particular facts and myths with regards to unwanted sexual experiences, particularly those relating to male sexual abuse. And then we went into the process of defining and processing sexual abuse experiences and outlined the stages of healing, practical work and different coping strategies. We also covered some intricacies involved with disclosing sexual abuse experiences to loved ones, as well as tips to parents, spouses, family members and friends of individuals who experienced sexual abuse or rape.

After that, my friend Aadam joined me again as we wrapped up the season by talking about two very important themes as well, which are self-discipline and self-esteem. With the self-discipline episodes, we spoke about self-discipline, motivation, willpower and self-control, highlighted the benefits of self-discipline, and discussed practical methods to cultivating that in our daily lives. And then we spoke about atomic habits, overcoming procrastination and failure, and developing morning routines. With the self-esteem episodes, we covered self-esteem and self-confidence, touched upon some relevant spiritual themes and dived into the six pillars of self-esteem. We also spoke about the imposter syndrome, how to deal with fear of rejection and criticism, as well as practical tips to boosting one's confidence.

48:57
And season five is our last season, which focuses on sociopolitical and religious topics, themes related to gender and transgenderism, as well as broader topics of relevance to the larger community. 

We began this season with a two-episode series entitled “Politics, Genderspeak and a Queer New World” where we dissected the history and politics of the gay liberation movement, the influence of the LGBT movement on countless aspects of everyday life and how far things have progressed in a few decades. We talked about politics and civil rights, as well as the impact of the LGBT movement on media, religious institutions, educational systems, businesses and corporations, in addition to the professions of psychology and psychiatry and access to therapy. We then tackled the notions of toxic masculinity and discussed the waves of opposing feminist movements with their ripple effects on the global community. We then discussed the Islamic perspective of the male and female, and highlighted the importance of the Prophetic example in paving the way for God-conscious, and healthy masculinity.

Br. Mobeen Vaid joined us over two episodes where we discussed revisionist and progressive arguments pertaining to homosexuality within Islam. We talked about the sociocultural backdrop of this kind of revisionism, particularly within Islam, and we addressed relevant arguments related to terminology as well as the story of the people of Prophet Lut (PBUH). We also discussed the punishments of sodomy according to Islamic Shari'a, to what extent Islam can be considered a "sex positive" religion, as well as the notions of marriage and celibacy for men and women who experience same-sex attractions. 

Sh. Mustafa Umar also joined me over two episodes where we examined relevant contemporary issues and Shar’i perspectives related to same-sex attractions and gender identity issues, such as political alliances, attending same-sex weddings, workplace and mosque issues, as well as FAQs by parents and families.

After that, we had a series of episodes addressing gender nonconformity, gender dysphoria and transgenderism. Br. Mobeen Vaid joined us again and we spoke about gender and gender nonconformity in the modern world and from an Islamic legal perspective. We discussed the essentialist and constructionist notions of gender, how Shari’a allows for particular flexibility in terms of one’s gender expression and pursuit of gender non-typical interests provided that particular boundaries are not crossed. We then spoke about gender atypical individuals from an Islamic perspective, as well as the concepts of intersex/disorders of sexual development from a medical perspective. We also dived deep into the topics of gender dysphoria and transgenderism from scientific and medical perspectives and explored the most recent research and developments on the topic. Br. Mobeen and I then discussed the Islamic perspectives on gender-reassignment surgeries as well as the ripple effects of the modern day transgender movement. In his last episode with us, Br. Mobeen left us with these incredible messages, “At the end of the day, what we want for everybody is a good Afterlife. We want us all to be gathered with the Prophet (PBUH) in the Hereafter. We want to drink from his hand on the Day of Judgment (PBUH), and to be resurrected as believers. To have a good standing in front of Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. And when we start talking about the stakes of issues like this, that's the biggest stake, there's nothing bigger than that. And the extent to which we're able to help anybody come closer to that path is a huge, huge blessing from Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. So if there's any good in anything that we do, we ask Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala to accept from it, and it's all from Him, and that if there’s any deficiencies, anything that I said that's wrong, it is from me and me alone, and my own weaknesses. And so, I always ask people for forgiveness for those for those mistakes, and I ask Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala for forgiveness as well. Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala knows that these are tough times for all of us. No one has it easy. Nobody. Whether the issue is an LGBT issue or something else going on, we're just living in tough times, and Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala tests people differently, and we remind ourselves that this world is dust. This world is a dust. Our responsibilities, as individuals, is to try to weather the storms of the moment, while keeping our Qibla facing Him. And Allah subhanah wa ta’ala knows best.”

Sh. Mustafa Umar joined us again afterwards as we discussed Shar'i perspectives related to gender nonconformity, gender dysphoria and transgenderism. We talked about gender roles, imitation of the opposite gender, gender transitioning as well as contexts of declaring one’s pronouns and dealing with gender fluidity. And in his last episode with us, Sh. Mustafa left us with these take-home messages: “It all comes back down to a holistic approach, and a lot of people are not understanding that, unfortunately, and they keep on missing this, and that's why I keep on reiterating, like focus on the fundamentals, for two reasons. Number one is because Allah values the fundamentals more than the other things, not that [the other things] are halal, but just that there's a priority of what's more important. Tawheed (belief in Oneness of Allah) is more important than fasting, belief in One Allah is more important. Although both are necessary, one is way more important. So the same thing, that prayer is more important than solving the gender identity and the way a person is identifying. And what's going to happen is the second thing, when we focus on those fundamentals, they will help greatly solve the other problems that are there, otherwise there's no way to solve them. Really just the summary is that we need to go outside of these two extremes that we're seeing. One of them is swallowing the progressive LGBT agenda, hook, line and sinker, versus the opposite, and that is not sympathizing with same-sex attraction and not sympathizing with gender dysphoria as a condition for Muslims who are not choosing this, but they're afflicted by this. There's a really delicate balance that we need to find. We should avoid these two extremes and try to find a solution in the middle.”

After that, we had a series of episodes addressing the larger community. My friend Aadam joined me for one last time on the podcast in a series of four episodes dedicated to parents, siblings and family members of individuals experiencing gender nonconformity, same-sex attractions and/or gender dysphoria. Aadam and I read out survey responses sent by members of the online Straight Struggle community addressing parents and siblings, and we covered pertinent themes related to personal healing for parents and family members. We also discussed the notions of gender confusion in childhood and highlighted important considerations as well as practical tips and advice for parents and families of individuals experiencing SSA and GD. We also covered the important theme of proper communication skills and conflict resolution techniques, and then we wrapped up by talking about community healing and addressing FAQs. And reflecting on the episodes he helped co-host over the five seasons, Aadam left us with these words, “Never lose hope no matter what the situation is… This is a challenging journey, but we have to be persistent and consistent in our effort, and always be clear about why we're striving. Islam is very easy, because it's all about Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. He is the North Star; He is the compass. It is to Him that we will be returning, and it is from Him that we have come. So, you know, subhan Allah, He makes it very easy for us, there's not very much more to think about. I just pray that Allah gives us the courage and the language and the ability to share this with other people. To stand up for this as well, because so much of the modern world is attacking this perspective of these issues, and we need our own spaces where we can deal with these things. And I would hate to think that we were doing it underground, or that we would get to a point where it's worse than what it is at the moment. I don't want to see that. And I don't think that we should settle for that either, inshaAllah. And that's going to require effort on part of everybody in the community. It's not just for the people who are experiencing SSA or who are affected by it. It's for everyone to stand up. So may Allah give us a true understanding of His religion and firm foundations upon what do we actually believe in and stand for, and also the courage to stand up for ourselves.”

After that, we had an episode dedicated to current and potential spouses of men and women experiencing SSA or GD, where we addressed pertinent themes and answered FAQs as well. I have also had the pleasure of speaking with Dr. Ty Mansfield and his wife Danielle over two episodes, as they shared with us their experience with a mixed-orientation marriage. We talked about spirituality and God's love, we addressed vulnerability, intimacy, growth and healing, and we spoke about support groups within the Mormon community, and what Muslims can learn from the Mormon experience. I absolutely enjoyed these two episodes and learned so much from Ty and Danielle, whose take-home messages for us included the following: “In so many ways, I feel very, very lucky to be married to a man with same-sex attraction, because there's so much blessing, and there's so much good.” 

As Ty was talking earlier about, would he choose this again? I just think this experience has made Ty who he is, it has made him the thoughtful, intelligent, compassionate, kind person that he is, who's very intentional and desires like goodness and righteousness and who seeks after God. And so I am so grateful for those experiences in his life, and I'm so grateful to be married to someone like him who has so much depth of character, so much goodness, and beyond that, in our community, there's so much joy and happiness to be felt as we strive to live more intentional and more fulfilling and mentally healthy lives, where I think so many people get into a place where they feel stuck, and they just go through the motions. But I feel like these kinds of experiences give you an opportunity to actually break out of the autopilot of life, and to be more intentional, and to more actively choose what it is that you want for your life, and what it is that you want for your faith. 

So I feel like, there's so much blessing and richness, and when you're in the struggle of initial discovery, or initial confrontation of what this experience means for you, then it can feel like so hard to see past that, and to see that there's so much good. But I promise that there is good, as you do the work of understanding, and the growth and the beauty that will come from it is beyond what you can ever dream of. 

… At the heart of this, every experience that we have, whether as a spouse or as an individual navigating sexual or gender concerns, I think every experience is designed by God to help us become the beautiful souls that we are and will be even more beautiful, to rely more on God, to be more humble, to be more submissive to God, and more kind to others, compassion and all these things. And I do think, you know, as they say, challenges can make you or break you. And, I think, really surrendering to God allows Him to consecrate these experiences for our gain, and for our glory, and His glory, and, you know, all these sorts of things. 

… So, first and foremost, let this be between you and God, and trust that He wants to do beautiful, good, remarkable things in and through you. And that doesn't have to require anything inconsistent with these kind of core theological values. And then there's the practical piece: How do I learn how to flourish on a day-to-day level? What are the principles of flourishing? And living out a healthy why in my life, and letting this be a part of it, that this can be a very kind of central and not just in the periphery to that piece. 

… So, I think, to not see marriage is the panacea for all of our problems, but to be able to see, like, you know, maybe it's in the cards for some people, and maybe it's not for others, but God can still bring a lot of beautiful, good, rich compensatory blessings into your life, if you really surrender your life to Him. 

… But whatever your life looks like, all of it can help bring you more deeply into God, and can help you love other people and have greater compassion for other people. And we have to see those as the ultimate ends, and the rest is just means.”

After that, Br. Yahya Van Rooy joined me in an episode dedicated to teachers and educators, as well as parents, and we spoke about the current challenges facing teachers, educators and school administrators given the LGBT paradigm, and how Muslims parents and teachers can navigate them together. Br. Yahya’s take-home message was, “I'm looking at my office right now, Br. Waheed, and up above me is a saying we have amongst some of the brothers here, it says, “Another day in the dunya striving for Al-Akhirah”. And that's what it is. That perspective helps so much, knowing that whatever we face here, it is a test. And, in the end, Allah has told us it is but like one day, or maybe even one hour. So, we know, as Muslims, we can have that long perspective, too, to say that, yes, this is part of this testing ground, but our ultimate reward, the Akhirah, is our ultimate goal. And there's so much, as I mentioned, that spiritual technology of resources in book, the Qur’an, of knowing that Allah does not give us more than we can handle, that for every difficulty, there's ease that comes [with] that. And knowing that Allah is the All-Powerful, the One Who sees and hears. Ar-Rahman, Ar-Raheem. So, alhamdulillah, this is such a great blessing to be Muslim, and I feel that so strongly, having come to the faith, having been guided, because those answers are there. And we are blessed, we are so blessed, because so many others have not found that path yet. So, alhamdulillah…. At the end, this time that we're in, the importance of holding fast to the rope of Allah. Holding fast to the rope of Allah, because that is the only sure hold that we have. And, alhamdulillah, that we have that. So, I pray that Allah makes it easy for all of us in this time, that He keeps us firm on this path, and that He guides us to correct understanding and correct action.”

And in the episode right before today’s episode, we wrapped up our series addressing the broader community with an episode featuring Imam Dawud Waleed, who spoke to us about the struggles that imams, chaplains and community leaders face nowadays given the current global pro-LGBT socio-political climate, as well as their roles in their communities, and how we can all help our imams and community leaders given the current challenges as we work together to navigate them in God-conscious ways. Imam Dawud’s final words for us were, 

1:13:44 
Allah says in Surat Al-Qasas, “And He is God, there is no god but He! To Him belongs praise at the beginning and at the end. To Him belongs judgment, and unto Him shall you be returned” (Qur’an, 28:70).

This entire podcast journey, from its conception, to all the months and years of intensive research and synthesis, interviews and recordings, editing and writing up of manuscripts and publishing, and everything in between, all of this is truly a gift from the Almighty subhanahu wa ta’ala‎, as is everything good in this life. This is an extraordinary gift for which I am grateful to consider one of the greatest blessings of my life, alhamdulillah.

All praise and thanks belong to the Almighty Allah Who facilitated this work in the most incredible of ways, bringing together the people and resources from across the world, orchestrating the entire endeavor with Divine harmony that leaves me in awe to this day. I am but a vessel putting the pieces together which He had fashioned and allowed to manifest in the right time and at the right pace. I sincerely pray that Allah accepts, blesses, protects and allows for this content to be a source of light, healing and guidance to all the listeners. Whatever good that has gone into this work and that comes out of this work is all from Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala alone, and any mistakes, shortcomings or deficiencies are from myself and Shaytan. I ask everyone to forgive me in case I have done anything wrong and to keep me in their prayers whenever possible.

As we are taught by the Prophet PBUH, "He who does not thank the people is not thankful to Allah." I have so many people to thank for making this podcast series possible. 

I’d like to start way back, around 7 years ago, and thank my dear friend from college, to whom I “came out” a few days before graduation, who embraced me and opened up my mind and heart to the importance of this work, I am forever grateful. You laid the foundations to this work.

To the wonderful men and women who have emailed me ever since 2015, sharing their stories and pouring their hearts out. You are incredible, and I am in awe of you. I learned so much from your courage, resilience and vulnerability.

To the wonderful Yousef who wrote that article on Muslim Matters, thank you for paving the way and being there.

To all the admins and members of the online Straight Struggle community, I am grateful to have you as brothers and sisters from around the world. You are survivors, warriors, heroes and true gems, and I have learned so much from you. Thank you for your constant support, encouragement, and all the wonderful discussions that we have.

A special thanks to my dear friend, Aadam Ali, the man behind the idea of starting a podcast in the first place, at a time I freaked out just by thinking about it, and for being a wonderful co-host on multiple episodes throughout the seasons. I love you, my dear brother. 

Very grateful to all the guest speakers who joined me on the podcast throughout the five seasons, for all their research and preparation, time and efforts. I am forever honored and thankful. 

Heartfelt thanks to the wonderful and sweet Sinan who has a heart of gold and is a fountain of love to everyone who comes his way. Thank you for your vulnerability and courage. I appreciate our friendship. You are a true gem.

To my dear brother Fares, the podcast as a whole would have not been the same without you. Very thankful for all the rich resources you have provided me since day one, as well as your connections and guidance throughout the process. God bless you. 

Many thanks to my brother Hashim for the wonderful spiritual insights and wisdom. You are one in a million, and I am in awe of your patience, resilience and strength. May Allah grant you Divine openings and endless rewards in this life and the Next. 

Warm thanks to the wonderful Amina who has the kindest heart and soul, and whose bravery is like no other. Thank you for being you, for being vulnerable and sharing with us your story, and for being a wonderful co-host as well. You rock.

Special thanks to brother Ali Jaafery for his support and the work he continues to do. Thank you for your bravery, constant devotion and phenomenal efforts. May Allah bless you always.

Heartfelt thanks to Dr. Rana Khaled, I am in awe of you and the work you do, and very grateful for all your help and the support you provide to brothers and sisters on their healing journey. May Allah bless you immensely.

To the wonderful Alan, thank you for being you. I am honored to know you, and I am grateful for our exchanges throughout the years. Thank you for sharing with us your story of healing and for spreading light to everyone who comes your way.

Special thanks to brother Mobeen Vaid. I am very grateful for the content we helped create together through writing and via the podcast. You are a trailblazer, mashaAllah, and we are grateful to learn from you, may Allah bless you and protect you always.

Special thanks as well to Shaikh Mustafa Umar. Grateful for our exchanges in the past years and for your courage and support. May Allah bless your efforts and give you strength to keep moving forward.

Warmest thanks to brother Yahya Van Rooy. Very grateful to have met you, and so honored by you and the work you do. Your enthusiasm, devotion and love for God are contagious, mashaAllah. May His light always shine upon you.

Special thanks to Imam Dawud Walid, very thankful for our chat together and for your courage, outspokenness and support. May Allah bless you and your work.

To all the wonderful brothers and sisters who have helped create the podcast by working behind the scenes, whether through research, networking, writing or copy editing transcripts, I am forever grateful. Special thanks to my dear brothers and friends Bassam, Hasnan, Qasim, Zaki, Hassan, Tanukhi Bin Amatullah, Adam Ramsey, Zain, Mahmoud, Abdullah, Fadi, Sami and Dr. Othman. Appreciate all your support and efforts. 

Warmest thanks to my dear brother and friend, Dr. Sharif, for his guidance and support since day one. I appreciate all of your input, wisdom, patience and support. May Allah shower you with His blessings and grant you the highest stations in this life and the Next.

To all the wonderful men and women who supported me in my journey of healing and recovery and who have been my teachers and fellow wayfarers, and to my dearest friends who believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself; I see you, I love you and I am honored to know you. God bless you all.

And last but not least, to my mom and dad, I am grateful to be your son, and I am thankful for all your hard work and patience with me. Subhan Allah, I’m tearing up as I say this… Without you, I wouldn’t be the man I am today. If I were to dedicate this entire work to someone, I would dedicate it to the both of you. May Allah bless you both and grant you Jannah, inshaAllah.

1:23:37
Just like my guests throughout the seasons, I would like to wrap up this episode with some memorable words, and I can’t think of a better way than to turn these words into supplications. 

Wherever you may be in your personal journey and no matter what you have gone through, I sincerely pray that Allah fills you up with His love, peace, warmth and guidance, that He lifts you up and takes away your pains, that He showers you with His mercy, blessings and forgiveness, and that He keeps you steadfast on the Right Path and always in His company.

I pray that you find peace in your heart and soul, that you find light in your life, and that you find healing on your path. I pray that you never lose hope no matter how dark the tunnel gets, how long the journey feels, and how cold and gloomy the nights may be. There is always light. 

I pray that you never forget how worthy you are of love, connection and belonging. I hope you always remember that your worthiness is innate, it’s in you. It’s not defined by how much you do or what you do, it’s defined by you being you – a human being, not a human doing. He, subhanahu wa ta’ala, fashioned you with His Hands and breathed into you from His Spirit. He made you worthy from the get-go. You are worthy and beautiful, created by a Beautiful and Majestic Creator, who sent you to this world, as He knew from the beginning that you have an extraordinary purpose. I pray you never forget that, especially in moments of difficulty. 

I pray you get to a point in your journey where you let go of all pain and sorrow, all anger and hurt, and detach from anyone and anything but Him, subhanahu wa ta’ala, and experience the sweetness of true surrender, the true meaning of la ilaha illa Allah (there is no God but Allah). I know that surrender feels like jumping off a cliff, but that’s where the beauty lies: We are not jumping off a cliff to our own doom; we are jumping and we know wholeheartedly that The Almighty Allah is there to catch us.

I pray that you have found the content of this series beneficial in your journey, and I pray that you continue to learn, grow, heal and recover, and to manifest the best version of yourself with every passing day until you meet Him, inshaAllah. I pray that you spread light and love to those around you, especially to others who need you at the beginning of their own journeys. Don’t forget to pay it forward when the time is right.

And, lastly, I pray that Allah grants us all Jannah without punishment or account, that we enter Jannah together, and with all our loved ones, inshaAllah, that we be granted the highest stations with the prophets, the steadfast people of truth, the martyrs and the righteous, and may we be among those blessed to see the face of Allah on the most glorious day in Jannah, inshaAllah. Ameen, ya Rabb.

Until then, stay strong, stay healthy, be present, and take it one day at a time. We’re all in this together, you are not alone, inshaAllah.

1:28:43  
If any of the content of the podcast made a difference in your life, I am forever grateful. I would appreciate a du’aa from your heart when you get the chance, as that would mean the world to me. And if you believe others would benefit from the content, please help spread the word by leaving a positive review on the podcast apps you use and sharing the content among people you trust. And if you would like to get in touch anytime, I would love to hear from you via email at: awaybeyondtherainbow(AT)gmail(DOT)com. I look forward to reading your stories, and I’d be more than thrilled to learn how the podcast has helped you in your own journey. Also, you can find all podcast episodes on our website awaybeyondtherainbow.buzzsprout.com, and each episode has its complete transcript in text form.

One last announcement before we wrap up: I have been working on converting the content of the podcast into a multi-volume book that is freely accessible online for everyone, and it will be ready soon, inshaAllah. I have added a link in the episode show notes where you can find the book once it is published, so keep checking that webpage, the book will be out soon, inshaAllah.

Finally, I would like to end this episode with one of my all-time favorite quotes from my all-time favorite movie, V for Vendetta, and the quote goes as such: “I hope that the world turns, and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I do not know you, and even though I may not meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you: I love you. With all my heart. I love you.”

This has been Waheed Jensen in “A Way Beyond the Rainbow”, أستودعكم الله الذي لا تضيع ودائعه (I bid you farewell, trusting in God to protect you), assalamu alaikom warahmatullahi ta’ala wabarakatuh.

Episode Introduction
Reflections from Season 1
Reflections from Season 2
Reflections from Season 3
Reflections from Season 4
Reflections from Season 5
Acknowledgments and Dedication
Final Words and Prayers
Ending Remarks