This is part II of a 2-episode series on the topic of self-esteem and becoming more confident in our lives.
In this season finale, Aadam and I discuss imposter syndrome, how to deal with fear of rejection and criticism, as well as practical tips to boosting one's confidence. What are the different kinds of imposter syndrome and how can we overcome them? What's the difference between feedback and criticism, and how can I deal with the latter? How can I stop taking things personally in my life? How can I build my sense of self-confidence on a daily basis? These and other questions are explored in this episode.
References used and resources mentioned in this episode:
- Imposter Syndrome Test (Clance IP Scale)
- "The Surprising Solution to the Imposter Syndrome " TED talk by Lou Solomon
- "7 Psychology Tricks to Build Unstoppable Confidence" video by TopThink
- "How To Improve Self Esteem" video by Marisa Peer
- "How not to take things personally?" TED talk by Frederik Imbo
- "How to Deal with Criticism" - A Monk's Perspective
- "How to Build Self Confidence" TED talk by CeCe Olisa
This is part II of a 2-episode series on the topic of self-esteem and becoming more confident in our lives.
In this season finale, Aadam and I discuss imposter syndrome, how to deal with fear of rejection and criticism, as well as practical tips to boosting one's confidence. What are the different kinds of imposter syndrome and how can we overcome them? What's the difference between feedback and criticism, and how can I deal with the latter? How can I stop taking things personally in my life? How can I build my sense of self-confidence on a daily basis? These and other questions are explored in this episode.
References used and resources mentioned in this episode:
- Imposter Syndrome Test (Clance IP Scale)
- "The Surprising Solution to the Imposter Syndrome " TED talk by Lou Solomon
- "7 Psychology Tricks to Build Unstoppable Confidence" video by TopThink
- "How To Improve Self Esteem" video by Marisa Peer
- "How not to take things personally?" TED talk by Frederik Imbo
- "How to Deal with Criticism" - A Monk's Perspective
- "How to Build Self Confidence" TED talk by CeCe Olisa
Waheed 00:37
Assalamu alaikom warahmatullahi ta’ala wabarakatuh, and welcome to a new episode of “A Way Beyond the Rainbow”, this podcast series dedicated to Muslims experiencing same-sex attractions who want to live a life true to Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala and Islam. I'm your host, Waheed Jensen, and joining me again in today's episode is my dear friend Aadam. Assalamu alaikom, Aadam!
Aadam 00:56
Wa alaikom assalam! How are you doing?
Waheed 00:59
Good, alhamdulillah, how are you?
Aadam 01:01
Yeah, good. Alhamdulillah.
Waheed 01:02
So this is the final episode of this season, season four. We are wrapping up this very long season, subhan Allah, with part two of our topic on self-esteem. As you guys remember, in the last episode, we spoke about the six pillars of self-esteem. And in this episode, inshaAllah, we will be talking about the imposter syndrome and how to overcome that, as well as how to overcome fear of rejection, fear of criticism and how to not take things personally. And, finally, we will wrap up with some take home messages on building confidence, which I'm sure a lot of us will find very helpful, inshaAllah, very practical tips. So let's get started, inshaAllah.
01:56
Okay, so let's talk about imposter syndrome. It basically means that, you know, I have this conviction or this idea in my mind that I have only succeeded due to luck or due to some random thing, not because of my talent or my qualifications. And there's always this fear in my mind that people are going to find out that I am an “imposter”, right? Basically, what the term implies, that the person feels like they're an imposter. That, you know, “I'm not all of that”, “People are going to recognize that, they're going to out me”, “I don't really belong where I am”, whether it's my workplace or my circle of friends, you know, “What the heck am I doing with my life?” I tend to downplay my successes and so on. I'm sure that a lot of us would identify with that. This is basically what imposter syndrome means.
It was first identified in 1978 by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes. They wrote a paper together, and they theorized that women were uniquely affected by imposter syndrome. Since then, more research has shown that imposter syndrome actually affects men and women, it's all over the place. We think that we're the only ones dealing with it, but we're not. It's very, very common. And there's actually an imposter syndrome test that you can take to determine whether you have it, and we're going to add the links in the episode description so you guys can check them out, inshaAllah.
Aadam 03:22
Oh I want to try that!
Waheed 03:24
Yeah, I've tried it and I'm like 100% imposter syndrome! So yeah. We're also going to add in the episode description, a TED talk by Lou Solomon, who talks about imposter syndrome. And she says that 70% of successful people have experienced the feelings associated with imposter syndrome, such as fear of failure, anxiety, perfectionism, or self-doubt. Imagine that people like Albert Einstein and Maya Angelou themselves and other famous people, people who have contributed so much to humanity, have dealt with these matters. So this is a part of the human condition, I would say, it's very common, and it can be dealt with, inshaAllah, in healthy ways, so that we can overcome it.
Aadam 04:13
Yeah, absolutely. Imposter syndrome expert Valerie young, who's author of a book on the subject called The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women also find patterns in people who experience imposter feelings, so things that are common amongst people who have imposter syndrome. And there's a list, so I'll just go through that.
So the first (category) is “perfectionists” who set extremely high expectations for themselves. And even if they meet 100& or 99% of the goals, they're likely to feel like failures. Any small mistake will make them question their own competence, and this is something that I think lots of us have experienced, and it's not fun. It's not a good place to be, subhan Allah. The second category that she talks about are the “experts” who feel the need to know every piece of information before they start a project, and they constantly look for new certification or training to improve their skills. They are the type of people who won’t apply for a job if they don't meet all the criteria in the posting. They also might be hesitant to ask questions in class or speak up in a meeting at work, for example, because they're afraid of looking stupid if they don't already know the answer. And that's stuff that I've done, and I probably still do, to some extent, actually, especially the last part of this speaking up.
Waheed 05:42
Right, it’s very common actually, subhan Allah.
Aadam 05:45
Yeah, I'm working on it though. Although I think, alhamdulillah, I’ve come quite far. But yeah, still more work to be done. And then the third category she talks about is the “natural genius”. So when the natural genius has to struggle or work hard to accomplish something, they think that it means that they're not good enough. And so they're used to skills coming easily to them, and when they have to put in the effort, their brain tells them that that is a proof of the fact that they're an imposter. And then the fourth category that she talks about are “soloists” who feel they have to accomplish tasks on their own, and if they need to ask for help, they think that it means that they're a failure or a fraud. Again, I've experienced that to some extent. And then the last one, the fifth category, are the “supermen or superwomen” who push themselves to work harder than those around them to prove that they're not imposters. And they feel the need to succeed in all aspects of life - at work, as parents, as partners, and in any other arena that they're engaged, and they may feel stressed when they are not accomplishing something. So that's the five categories that Valerie talks about in her book.
Waheed 06:53
Right. And I think that a lot of us listening would relate to one or more of these categories, to some extent. What it really boils down to is this: In order for me to be loved and appreciated, I need to achieve. This is basically what imposter syndrome is about. And there is this notion that “I'm a human doing, not a human being”, “I'm not good enough.” There is shame, right? Unworthiness. And we've been talking about this over and over, as you guys know already. The more belonging and connection to others we have, the more confident we feel, and the less connected and belonging to others we experience, the more out of place we feel. So it's important also to realize that there's an ego element, right? At the end of the day, there is an ego element, which is, “I need to be the best in order to prove something”, it's all about me, right? But, at the same time, there's also this longing for worthiness and validation. If you guys recall our series on complex trauma, it all makes sense, right? Whether we grew up with constant criticism, or neglect, abuse or trauma, or whatever it is. Or maybe later in adulthood, you know, we went down a career path, or we undertook particular studies which involved constant criticism, and it was a high stress environment. Many of us gravitate towards these life paths of constant grinding and stress, what experts call the “high-output environments” in order to prove ourselves, but then it becomes a vicious cycle, right?
Now, it's very important to know that imposter syndrome is not authentic humility, because some people confuse the two. People think that having an imposter syndrome means that I'm humble. No, not really! A lot of people who struggle with imposter syndrome shove compliments away, because they can't internalize success. You know, we're always seeking more and more in order to validate ourselves, which, in its essence, it highlights this ego element. It's not true humility, because humility involves surrender, meaning, I've done my best and I'm surrendering that insecurity that I have to Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala, and I know that I'm doing the best I can, and I have tawakkul on Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. I'm surrendering whatever I can’t control to Him, rather than working harder to seek more validation and more acceptance. So, this needs to be highlighted, and I hope that we can internalize the difference. Imposter syndrome, unfortunately, if it's unchecked, it can lead to anxiety, depression, addiction, missed deadlines, stalled projects, unfinished work, even masterpieces can be unfinished because of imposter syndrome. And, all in all, an unhappy life. And because we have that annoying feeling on the inside, that “I'm not good enough, no matter what I do, I'm not going to get this done, people are going to find out about me”, insecurities, insecurities, and so on and so forth, there's a higher likelihood to resort to numbing behaviors and addictive behaviors, because we want to numb that pain that's on the inside. And it leads to a myriad of mental health issues as well.
Keeping all of this in mind, let us talk now about how to try to deal with imposter syndrome and to overcome that, because I feel that a lot of us deal with that on a daily basis. So naming that, identifying it, and now talking about the solutions are very helpful, inshaAllah.
Aadam 10:27
Yeah, definitely, you know, one of the first things that we can start to do to help us deal with imposter syndrome and the feelings that come with that is to separate the thoughts that we're having from ourselves, and to realize that we are not our thoughts, that we are separate from what we think. And again, going back to so much of what we've talked about already, mindfulness and conscious awareness is important, it's so important, subhan Allah, it helps in so many aspects and for so many issues, and this is definitely one of them. Many times, these thoughts that we're having come from our subconscious or whisperings from the Shaytan to keep us away from good, to keep us from achieving our potential in life. And we should observe and acknowledge these thoughts and allow them to exist, and then let them dissipate. We talked a lot about this in the previous episode, and we also talked about some of the techniques in the episodes on self-discipline as well, about how you can do that (the ROAR method, for example, we went through that). So, it's very important, in order to overcome things like this, that we have some tools at our disposal to help us navigate that.
Another thing that we can do is to prevent our mind from taking over, sort of the mental chatter that we have, or negative self-chatter or self-talk that it’s sometimes referred to, and there's a number of things that we can do, techniques and tools that we can implement. One of those is distant self-talk. So this is where we use non-first person pronouns and refer to ourselves even by name, for example. So we might say things like, if I was using it with myself, I would be like, “Aadam, you are capable and worthy, you don't need to worry about this”, that sort of thing. And it's a really powerful technique, and it's been proven in studies to be very effective in helping people basically gain perspective.
Waheed 12:30
Exactly. And you can also be objective when you speak to yourself like, “Aadam, right now you're experiencing overwhelming emotions, and you are feeling like X, Y, and Z. And that is okay. These emotions are not you.” “Aadam, it's fine. Let's sit with these emotions and dissect them,” etc. So these are different kinds of self-talk, where you refer to yourself, not as “me” or “I” in the first person, but rather using the third person or using your actual name.
Aadam 12:59
Exactly. Yeah, absolutely. So definitely try it and see how you find it. Another thing that we can do is mindfulness exercises, of which there are many. But we can also employ meditation, which, again, we've talked about at length, which is very powerful and effective and helps in so many different aspects, even in this situation. Also, having healthy conversations with other people, talking to other people about how we feel, expressing those feelings, maybe going to people who can help us gain perspective and who might be good at doing that. It could be amongst our own support networks, we can identify people who are quite good to help us get to that place. And you could probably even have the conversation with friends or family beforehand and say, “Listen, sometimes I might need some help, I just need you to help me get perspective”, just so that they're prepared basically to kind of give you what you need and have clear expectations.
It's important to make a very powerful distinction between venting vs. emotional dumping, complaining and ruminating. So venting and letting out really intense emotions can be quite useful, especially if we're using that to arrive at some solution, or to gain some deeper understanding or truth, versus emotional dumping or complaining and ruminating which is just complaining and going over the same situation again and again, without really looking for a way to overcome the challenge. Almost like an obsessiveness to just want to stay within that emotional state. So it's very, very important that we are aware of that, if we do fall into that category of being emotional dumpers, people who complain or just go over and over a situation again and again…
Waheed 14:57
Because you burden yourself and you also burden the other person. It really doesn’t help.
Aadam 15:02
Yeah, subhan Allah. It doesn't help at all. And it's very, very draining for yourself and others. Also, there's prayer, so Salat and making du’aas, obviously, this is so important and speaking to Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala regularly, you know, whether it's during a difficult time or even in ease, we should be trying to do this as much as we can. Visiting green spaces or natural environments, places where there's lots of greenery, trees, grass, animals even, these places are incredibly calming, and they've been known to have a really good effect, positive effects on people's mental well-being.
Also, being aware of the bigger issues in life, I think, to kind of put things into perspective. Perspective is so important, subhan Allah, this is one thing that we lose when we're in the midst of a difficult situation, and that’s perspective of how impactful or important our own worries might be. Sometimes seeing or witnessing other people's difficulties that may be more significant and more profound than ours, it helps us basically just to put ours into perspective, and become grateful for what we do have, as opposed to fixating on the things that we don't. And then, you know, having rituals, things we do regularly that help ground us and that help keep us organized, and feeling like we have a purpose, and that there is a sense of control about our day-to-day routine. And just making sure that there's no chaos. So, rituals are incredibly good to help us do that.
Waheed 16:44
Right. And, you know, all of these are tips on how to handle mental chatter and preventing your mind from taking over, obviously. And with regards to rituals, you know, a very common tip is, whenever you feel that your mind is taking over, and you cannot really control it, and it's overwhelming, just try to organize your space, claim your space and do something that makes you feel in control. Because sometimes we feel that our mind is in control. So just do one thing where you can reclaim your own control and feel like “Okay, I'm in the zone, I'm in control now.” And all of these tips that Aadam mentioned hopefully can help us do that, inshaAllah.
So, again, separate your thoughts from yourself, and then prevent your mind from taking over, as much as you can, you know, you reclaim that space, and then talk about it with friends or professionals. Whenever you're experiencing imposter syndrome thoughts and behaviors, try and talk about it with professionals or friends who know about this. Many times we're afraid of talking about things, because we're afraid that others would criticize us, right? Many times when we talk about this, we realize that others are actually going through it, or they would tell us that it's actually all normal, and it's part of the process. So this is definitely important. And therapy and counseling can also help us in the process. You know, everyone all across the board is dealing with insecurities. They're dealing with anxieties and self-doubt. Everyone has experienced this. There's a famous quote by the French philosopher Michel de Montaigne who said, “Kings and philosophers shit, and so do ladies”, which actually means that everyone all across the board, we have issues that we deal with and insecurities and stuff that we don't really share with others. So, yeah, this is pretty normal.
And then, you know, another piece of advice is to practice of vulnerability. I'm sure that people listening to this podcast probably have gotten sick and tired of hearing this word over and over again, but it is necessary. So, talk about it, reach out for help, seek guidance. With people who have earned the right and privilege to hear your story, be vulnerable and actually tell them about this piece of insecurity that you're dealing with. Don't hide these issues from people whom you trust and with whom there is mutual vulnerability. This is definitely important.
Aadam 19:05
Yeah. And I think, when people take that first step of being vulnerable with the right people, inshaAllah, in my experience, it’s always paid off, there's always been so much benefit from it. So the more you do it, the more comfortable you get doing it with the people that deserve your vulnerability, inshaAllah.
And it's also important to remember that we all experience doubt, and it's actually healthy when it's controlled, since it helps us think broadly and correct things if we need to. But when doubt controls us and our actions, that's when it becomes unhealthy. So you can have an imposter syndrome moment and navigate through it, but not an imposter syndrome life, right? So we can deal with it. I guess the aim isn't really to eliminate that experience, it's more that, if it arises, then being able to control it, and being able to make sure that it doesn't affect our lives too much, or not at all even, and then we can still power through and do what needs to be done.
People who don't experience imposter syndrome are not smarter or more capable than those that do. They just frame their thoughts differently. That's pretty much it. So if it's setting very high expectations of ourselves, which, again, is ego-driven, we can learn to lower the expectations. We don't have to know each and everything about a topic before we speak about it. Again, that's ego-based ideas and chatter and beliefs. Sometimes we need to work hard to learn, and that's absolutely fine, and that's what we're supposed to do, as opposed to things coming easy to us, which is this sort of an ego expectation. And perhaps we may experience something as quite easy for us, and that's great, no problem, but we just should be weary of it becoming sort of an ego-idea of “I should be great at everything”, just because you're good at one thing, sort of arrogance. Asking for help when we don't know or need guidance is totally fine. It's absolutely okay, and you can actually slow yourself and your team down if you don't seek help when you need it.
Waheed 21:13
For sure. Remember when we talked about the difference between the subconscious and the conscious drives, so the subconscious is all about all of these attachments and the ego, versus the conscious self or the authentic self, the fitrah that's in line with the Divine. It’s very important to differentiate: Is this coming from the ego, my subconscious drives and my conditioning, or is this really part of me learning and growing and expressing those conscious drives that I have? So that's one thing to keep in mind.
Also, one thing to keep in mind, and we'll talk about this in a little bit - it's very important to accept constructive criticism and not to take it personally. We all learn, we're not perfect, we're never going to be perfect, we all have our flaws, we make mistakes, that's human. We're not perfect. The only perfect being is Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala, and that's it. Sometimes, we have a bruised ego, because we are criticized or because our boss, partner, or friends give us a piece of constructive criticism that would help us, but we take it personally and maybe thrown off by it, or we get pissed or whatever. Just get over it, and use that to your advantage. You know, people genuinely really want to help you, and you wouldn't spare other people from your constructive criticism if you know that that really does help others whom you care about. So, sometimes it goes both ways and we have to accept that. Sometimes it's a bitter pill to swallow, but we need to get over it.
And, again, realize you're human, you don't need to prove your worthiness by working or doing things. You are worthy just for being you, a human being created by Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala, a human being who is living in this life, on this path towards Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. You are a creature created by Allah, and He gave you your worthiness from the get go, right? So slow down and breathe. You don't have to prove your worthiness, you don't have to do things to get validation from other people. Do your best given your circumstances, and don't overdo things, and have tawakkul on Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala that Allah will take care of things. And, again, it's very important to talk about the spiritual aspects of this. Part of it is surrender, we do what we can, and then we surrender what we can't control to Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. There’s also an element of detachment, a lot of us are attached to certain things; maybe it's the validation of others, maybe it's avoiding criticism, maybe it's avoiding our own insecurities, or our fears and judgments and conditioning, and whatever it is, right? So part of overcoming that is detaching from all of these expectations and whatever is keeping us hostage, so to speak and just surrendering all of that to Allah and saying, “Ya Rabb, I give this up to You, and You take care of it, and I'm going to do my best with the situation that You have given me.” We seek validation from Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala rather than from the people around us. And this is really liberating, subhan Allah. Once we put this in action, it really does change the entire equation, subhan Allah. You know, just letting go… My God! Sometimes, we just have to also like relinquish authority. We just have a lot of ideas in our heads, that “I need to be on top of things, and I need to take care of this, and I'm the authority figure…” And sometimes it's just like, dude, just take a break, relax, and let that go, reorient your compass towards Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. Keeping that in mind really does make a difference.
Aadam 24:59
Yeah. It's also useful to give back from what we have worked hard for. So, you know, sharing with others what we've learned is a great way to help overcome the imposter syndrome. Through sharing you realize how much you've actually learned and how far you've come. And I think, when we’re in the thick of doing a thing, we can lose sight of perspective as to how far we've actually come. And, subhan Allah, when you’re in a position to be able to share what you've achieved or learned and mentor others, it just helps you to realize like really how far you've come. So it's such a powerful way, if you have the opportunity to do that, you know, it's something that we should all definitely consider, and it can be in so many different forms, it doesn't have to be one way or the other. It’s a really good way to gain perspective.
Also, giving people positive affirmations, telling people about the good work that they've done. Sometimes, when you give someone an affirmation, you can make their day, it makes a huge difference to people to know that they're recognized for the work that they're doing and the effort they're putting into something. So saying things like, “You're gifted”, “Excellent work”, “High five!”, “Job well done”, “This is more than I asked for”, “I love the standard of your work”, or just focusing on some aspect of something they've done, whatever it is, that will help other people who are also dealing with imposter syndrome as well. And it also will make you feel good, because you'll give back to people and help lift others up at the same time as you're trying to lift yourself up.
And it's also important to recognize that what's ordinary to us may actually be extraordinary to other people, and what you know and take for granted can be groundbreaking for others. And I think that we all, to some extent, do this, because we normalize where we might be in life, and it becomes our baseline. And it's so easy when you're there to just become a little bit complacent (in not recognizing the blessing, I mean), and not being as appreciative of it as perhaps we should be. This is when we start to feel like our ideas are not worth anything, while for other people they can be amazing. So trying to be aware, again, conscious awareness of what we have, how far we've come, and what we can actually give to others, and what we're doing for ourselves as well, subhan Allah. And, again, I would tie it back to just being grateful for the blessings Allah gives us. It's just a part and parcel of gratitude, and I think if we have a good practice of gratitude, inshaAllah, and recognizing our blessings, it should be easier, because we'll constantly be in the habit of doing it.
Waheed 28:07
InshaAllah, for sure. In other words, you know, don't downplay your contributions and think that “Oh, I shouldn't say that, because it's silly, or maybe other people had already considered that or they take it for granted.” No, a lot of times we don't actually realize that what we might contribute actually might make a big difference and would really serve whatever we're doing, whether it's a work project or our studies, maybe helping other people, whatever we're doing. So, actually, our ideas are worth it, and they can be amazing for other people. So don't take that for granted.
What else? Yeah, we think that we walk around life and think sometimes that there's a spotlight on us. I don't know about you, Aadam, but this is something that I used to deal with for years, that I'm being followed - not like paranoia-level followed, but rather, you know, there's always this crippling anxiety that others are judging me, I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop, I'm just waiting for me to do something or say something where others are going to start berating me, and so on and so forth. When you get a little bit of perspective, you realize that people are really busy with themselves and they're really concerned about themselves, and no one really cares! Seriously. You know, there's no spotlight on you, no one is even watching you, just take it easy. And this is something that I had to internalize over time.
Aadam 29:46
Ain’t nobody got time for that! Haha!
Waheed 29:51
I know! Haha! Exactly. We need to kind of edit that lady into this podcast episode, you know that YouTube meme? “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”. But yeah, seriously, dissociate your sense of self from the role that you're doing, and realize that people are dealing with their issues, everyone is dealing with their crap, right? Separate yourself from your feelings and your thoughts. Realize that people are dealing with so many issues. So, don't worry, get yourself out of your head, and get a little bit of perspective, and just be realistic. Realize that we're all humans, we're all dealing with our insecurities, and probably whatever you are afraid of, there are lots of people around you who are afraid of the same thing. And if you think that there's a spotlight on you, others around you probably on the same bus or in the same workplace think that they have the spotlight on them, and they have their own anxieties as well. So it's part of the human condition, I guess, subhan Allah. Getting a little bit of perspective really makes sense.
And then, finally, it's worth noting that there's a difference between “guide” and “guru”. So, guru actually means “Oh, look at me! I'm an expert!” versus (being) a guide means that I have learned some things, you know, let us share them and discuss them together, and maybe I can show you certain things that you don't know, you can show me certain things that I don't know, and we help each other. So what I'm trying to say is, consider yourself a guide and not a guru, and it really does make a difference. You don't have to be an expert in order to help others or to do a good job. A lot of people have this idea that “I need to know everything about a particular thing before I can lecture on it”, or “I need to be an expert in my field before I can start lecturing others or teaching about it or engaging in high-impact projects.” No, not really! For you to actually do a good job, or to help other people, you don't have to be an expert. Of course, you need to have a particular level of knowledge and experience, but you don't have to be perfect. You certainly don't have to be a guru, you just have to be a guide, you know, to have learned particular things and to be willing to share these ideas, discuss them and learn from others as well.
Aadam 32:15
So now we'll talk about fear of rejection, criticism and taking things personally. And this is something that everybody has dealt with, probably is dealing with, and will continue to deal with. It’s such an important topic. So the question is how to deal with fear of rejection. There are no single tools that work for all peoples, so we should put that out there, firstly, and lots of tools can be used in combination to help people, so it's very individual, and this is something that we've talked about quite a lot throughout this podcast, that there's no one-size-fits-all for people. And there's nothing wrong with that, people definitely have different temperaments, personalities, dispositions, etc., so different things will click differently with us. But it's probably worth going through some things just know to basically offer you some tools that might help. So it's worth trying and seeing if they're effective, and if not, then just basically moving on to something else.
So the first one is something called “mental time travel”. You may be wondering, “What the heck is this?” This is basically considering your entire life or timeline, how many past situations that you've been in that were like the one that you're experiencing in that moment, whatever that might be, and how many times you might have been rejected in the past? So in the context of the fear of rejection, thinking about all the situations in your past that you've experienced and had to deal with rejection, and the fact that you're still standing, and that you still managed to move forward. So going through all the facts of past experiences to get perspective; again, perspective is so important. And you can also use something called “temporal distancing”, which is very similar, but this is about zooming out of a situation and thinking about past events where you've overcome adversity, where you've succeeded even, and thinking about how the situation you're in at the moment - the challenge, the adversity - will help you become better in the future. And this can often be very powerful to help remind you of the fact that you're capable to overcome.
The second thing that you can do when dealing with the fear of rejection is to use your own name. So we've kind of touched on this in the previous section with distant self-talk. So, basically talking to ourselves using our name, and advising ourselves, giving ourselves advice that we would give to somebody else in that situation. So, perhaps even questioning ourselves and saying, like, “If a friend of mine came to me with the same issue, what would I say to them?” and literally just using your name and saying it to yourself. There are ways that we can engage with ourselves as we would with others by using language, coaching ourselves through a problem using our own name, or using words like “you”. This helps to switch our perspective and deal with ourselves as if we were someone else. And it's important to be aware that “I” is a signature of being immersed in an experience, so the whole thing here is to try and create some distance, as if you are the person speaking to somebody else, but you're really speaking to yourself.
The third tool is positive affirmations. Mindfulness, conscious awareness, we talked about the PAW technique, if you remember from previous episodes, we talked about pausing in the situation, and you know, becoming aware of what's happening in that situation, becoming aware of our emotions, and then using willpower to make a choice to move in the right direction. There's all these things that we can employ to help get us past being afraid of being rejected.
Waheed 36:11
And there are lots of positive affirmations, meditations and playlists that you can find online. And you can even ask someone to give you positive affirmations, you know, someone who’s like a mentor or a friend maybe record a positive affirmation to you so that you can use it. So, whatever works for you that can help, inshaAllah.
Aadam 36:28
Yeah, yeah. And then the fourth thing that you could do is to consult your support system and seek counseling and help, this is obviously invaluable. You can reach out to your family, friends, loved ones, whoever they might be, and have conversations about what you're experiencing. And you never know, like other people might actually turn and say, “Well, I've experienced the same thing!” and you might have something useful to offer that will be helpful in managing that experience, and I guess it helps you feel less alone in that experience, that you're not the only one going through it, it is very normal. And again, I think it pops the issue, it makes it smaller when we do that.
And then the fifth is to reorient our compass. Again, Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala, remembering Him and bringing Him into the equation. Sometimes we can forget about Allah, and it's very important to just bring him back and focus on what we can do to please Him. And remembering that our validation and worth comes from Him, and that we're not seeking to be validated by other people. And that can be really powerful to help us get over the fear of rejection, that no matter what happens, no matter how others respond, your objective and your purpose is to please Allah at all times. And you'll survive, no matter what the situation is, you’ll survive. I mean, the worst they're going to say to you is “no”. Subhan Allah.
Again, the purpose of these tools is not to turn a negative into a positive, it’s to give us perspective to deal with the negative in the most optimal way that reduces the trauma that can be associated with difficulty for some of us. And then, the worst case scenario if we try and play it out, and if we just follow that line of thinking of “the worst is going to happen”, what happens if we fail? We can absolutely deal with failure in good and positive ways, and we talked about this at length in episode 63, when we talked about dealing with failure and bouncing back from it. So, if you want to refresh your mind, or if you've not actually listened to that episode, then we'd encourage you to just go back and find that part of the episode, and just listen to all the different points. But it's absolutely possible, and we don't have to be afraid of being rejected. And if someone says, “no”, that's okay. It just means that we need to go knocking on another door somewhere else, and perhaps that's just part of building resilience and perseverance, and Allah is just training us up to be the best that we can be. So, yeah. Alhamdulillah.
Waheed 39:13
Alhamdulillah. So that's as far as rejection is concerned. What about criticism? Now, we all face criticism in our lives, and it's very important to know how to deal with that. And it's necessary to differentiate between what is criticism versus what is feedback. So, feedback is given to you with a positive intention. So I can give Aadam particular feedback because, I care about him, or because I want the project to go smoothly, because we can work together and make things better, versus criticism where I am intentional about bringing Aadam down, I just want to make him feel miserable, or I really want to attack him and make him angry or sad or whatever. So one has a positive intention, the other has a negative intention. And in this time and age, in particular, the age of social media, critics are all over the place, the easiest thing you can do is just criticize people right and left.
When someone criticizes you and makes judgments, it's very important to realize one thing: They're only seeing one aspect of you and not the full picture, right? They're not taking the time, they're not putting in the effort to understand and to listen to you. And there's also a level of ego that is at play here. Maybe they're being personally triggered by what you say or do, maybe they're jealous of you, or God knows what their intentions are or what is going on underneath the surface. But there is an element of ego.
What is necessary at this point is to focus on your intentions, purify your intentions of what you're doing on a daily basis, reorient your own compass and move forward. Whoever is going to criticize you, just let them be. People are just going to criticize you, whether you like it or not. Whatever you do, there's going to be critics. So, you focus on your intentions and your work, focus on pleasing Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala, and move forward. Again, as Aadam said, we seek validation from Allah, we don't seek it from people. So that's with regards to criticism.
What about feedback? If I'm getting feedback from people, again, this is coming with positive intentions. The idea is to help us see beyond our particular blind spots, as they say, right? They help us improve. And, again, we don't have to take feedback if we don't need to, particularly if people give us feedback, and it's not necessarily, you know, in line with what I'm doing, or maybe they don't really get the full picture and it really doesn't help me, then that's fine. I mean, they're coming with good intentions. Particular feedback I can actually make use of and it’s really helpful, other times particular feedback is not necessarily helpful, and that's completely fine. Again, accepting feedback, accepting this idea that “Okay, well, I am not a perfect human being, I can make use of other people's advice”, etc., this involves an element of humility, which, going back to spirituality, humility is important, surrender, detachment, etc., these are all very important themes.
Now, what about not taking things personally? This is a very common thing, we tend to take things personally a lot of times, particularly if we have a hypersensitive temperament and we're introverted maybe, or we just take things emotionally, there's a brilliant TED talk that we're going to add to this episode description, so make sure to check it out. It's called “How Not to Take Things Personally” by Frederik Imbo. A lot of us take things personally. When we talk to people, at the back of our minds, we're like, “People need to acknowledge us, they should not be distracted when we talk to them, they need to pay attention to me, they're not allowed to talk over me, they have to be there for me when I need them to be there for me”, whatever it is, ultimately, again, it's the ego, right? We want to be right, and we don't want to be criticized. If we're really honest with ourselves, if we take things personally, it means that there is an element of the ego that is involved that is getting activated. So a good question to ask ourselves is, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” And in the TED Talk, it's mentioned that our brains produce almost 50,000 thoughts per day, 10,000 of which (that's 20%) are positive, on average. So that means that more than 80% of our thoughts are negative and critical. Subhan Allah.
What are some practical tools that we can use in order for us not to take things personally? The first thing is, you can tell yourself, “It's not about me, and let us look at the ‘we’ rather than the ‘me’.” What is the other person's intention? Understand where they are coming from. So, for example, maybe they have a call that they have been waiting for, maybe they are dealing with problems and they are distracted. That's why they're not giving you attention in that particular moment. Thinking that it's not about me really does put things in perspective, maybe they're dealing with whatever issues they're dealing with, right? So, don't take it personally, it's not about you. Now, if this doesn't work, then maybe it is about me, in a sense that a part of me that I haven't come to terms with, or maybe it has to do with my particular insecurities, or something maybe wrong that I did. So, in this case, you know, we need to learn and to rectify the situation, because maybe there is a part of me that is involved in this.
Aadam 44:47
I was just going to say that, if we can get to the point of realizing that it's not about us, when we do arrive at that conclusion, it sort of takes that emotion out of the thing, like the feeling of, you know, “Oh my God, this is so personal”, and stuff. And then we can actually address it much more easily, because we know that it's not actually about us. So, when we talk to the other person about maybe a behavior that we're not happy with, or something that wasn't right, it won't be loaded with, “How dare you?” It'll be more like, “I'm curious, I experienced distance or distraction or whatever it might be”, and then, you know, “What was going on for you?” You can ask the person that question to make it more about them as opposed to yourself, and then you can arrive at an understanding as to what was happening. And then the other person maybe will be more conscious about behaving differently in the future. So, yeah, it's really powerful when you can get it to work, and it's quite good, alhamdulillah.
Waheed 45:47
For sure. Yeah, Alhamdulillah. 100%, obviously, that's definitely necessary. And then to also deal with your negative beliefs. A lot of times, we take criticism or negative conversations personally, because we know that there is some truth in that, you know, and there's a big chance maybe that might be rooted in our childhood, or us growing up, our particular traumas and things that we are insecure about. So they actually touch a particular nerve, as they say. So give yourself some empathy and practice some self-compassion in the process, because that's necessary. And, again, as Aadam was saying, by telling people how you feel without blaming others, this might increase the chance of people taking your feelings into account. So, just be vulnerable and explain how you felt without any judgment or criticism. But be honest and transparent, and communicate how you felt. That really does make a big difference.
So, again, it's not about me, look at other people's intentions, deal with those negative beliefs about yourself, and practice some self-compassion, and then, finally, communicate, be transparent and tell others how you believe without any judgment, harshness or blaming. Now, if it is about you, then give yourself some empathy, speak up and find solutions. The speaker of the TED Talk, Frederik Imbo, towards the end of the talk, he actually took out a 20-euro bill, and then he crumpled it, he then chewed it and spat out, you know, the same piece of money, he stepped on it, and every time that he did something with it, he actually asked people, “Would you guys want to have this 20-euro bill?” And, you know, no one said “no”, like the same people who raised their hands the first time kept on raising their hands every time that he did something to that piece of money. And they all said “yes”. So the idea that he was conveying at the end, he said something very powerful, “People may attack you, criticize you or ignore you, they can crumple you up with their words, spit you out, or even walk all over you. But remember, whatever they do or say, you will always keep your value.” And I find that to be very beautiful, because no matter what people do, it's about them, you have your own value within you, you don't derive your value from other people, you have your value and your worth intrinsically within you. And that makes all the difference.
Waheed 48:28
And now, we will end and follow this episode with a couple of practical tips on how to build confidence, inshaAllah.
Aadam 48:35
So we can start firstly by stopping judging ourselves, and we've talked a lot about this in these episodes. So, watching out for negative self-talk, shaming statements, ruminating and blame games. Also, don't reject compliments, but rather use them to be grateful and to connect with Allah. Critical people don't have good self-esteem, the pictures you use about yourself and the words you use about yourself, your thoughts, and your actions have a great effect on how you feel about yourself and your confidence levels. So, if for example, you're saying things like “I'm never going to get this done” and constantly being negative about situations versus “I seek help in Allah and I have coping skills to help me through this, one step at a time”, there's a world of difference in how that will actually affect the outcomes that we have in life. And, remember, be kind to yourself, self-compassion, self-acceptance, love. Remember, we talked about self-acceptance and we said that it's about refusing to be your adversary or being at war with yourself. So, just remember, always be kind and treat yourself like you would treat someone that you love.
Waheed 49:51
Absolutely, beautifully said, alhamdulillah. And then, when you feel like you are lacking in confidence, you can give yourself some quick boosts. So some people talk about doing this confidence posture, where you just stand upright, and you put your hands on your hips, you know and just feel like “Superman” or “Superwoman”, that can really boost your confidence. Maybe listen to a pep talk that can give you some motivation, maybe some uplifting music, for example, that can give you a boost. Seek help from a friend.
For us, as Muslims, the real powerful pose is making sujood and prostrating to Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. It's when we admit our powerlessness and humility in front of Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala, when we do that, we are raised and given strength and confidence. When you feel that you need a boost of confidence, pray or just make sujood, make du’aa and seek confidence from Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. And that's powerful alhamdulillah. And then, another piece of advice is to believe in our ability to improve, to always have this growth mindset to realize that challenges, whatever they are, they are opportunities for us to improve. And Allah gives us challenges to allow us to grow and develop muscle, acquire strengths and persevere. Remember, you know, in our brains, those neuronal pathways, they strengthen with practice, whether we're building habits, developing ourselves, or recovering and healing, all of this needs consistency and practice. So having that growth mindset is necessary.
Aadam 51:34
Yeah, definitely, absolutely. And another thing that we can do to help build confidence is to practice failure, or practice navigating failure even. So if we think about famous people, like the Wright brothers, J.K. Rowling, Tesla, and we can go on, these are people who didn't make it the first time, they never got it right the first time, they had to keep trying and persevering and doing different things, and being told “no” by lots of people, sometimes maybe even being mistreated or crumpled up, like we talked about in the example above, but they didn't give up, they persevered, and they used all the tools that they had and knew to help them navigate through a failure situation or rejection. So, you know, trying different strategies, asking other people and persevering. Accept as well that we will make mistakes and that we're all learning in the process, and there's so much to be learned. So even if we don't achieve the outcome we set out to, think about everything that you did learn through that process, and then count those things as blessings, and then use them. And the next time then just keep learning. And be kind to ourselves, stand up and just go for it. And no matter what the result, again, it’s about the journey and the knowledge that we gain and not the destination, it's about who we become as we go through to the place we want to go, and not necessarily so much about the actual place itself.
And some of us might be hindered in our confidence by body image problems that we have, so there may be aspects of our body that we're not comfortable with, that we feel insecure about. And in this situation, it's very important that we seek help to address those insecurities and those issues. Because, sometimes, they might actually be holding us back from fulfilling and going after the things that we want and that are good for us. So whether you reach out to your support system or find professional help through therapists or counselors, be sure to seek the help that you need to overcome any challenges that you might have with regards to how you look.
Waheed 53:44
For sure. Yep, absolutely, it’s very necessary. And then another piece of advice is to confront our fears. And remember that fear protects us, right? Our brain wants us to survive, and so we are afraid of things that we feel will hinder our “survival”. But, unfortunately, when fear becomes paralyzing, it just controls what we do, who we are and what we become, it just defines us. A lot of us are afraid of things that we are unfamiliar with. As a result, we lack practice. One way to address fear is to practice doing the thing until we overcome a lot of the fear that's associated with it. So, for example, if we want to cross a busy street. A lot of us as kids, you know, the first time we crossed the street, we had a lot of fear, and our brains were going in all sorts of places like, “Oh my God, I'm anticipating the worst case scenario, a car would come and it would run me over!” But now, we cross busy streets all the time as adults, and it doesn't really cross our minds. The very first thing that happened when we were kids was we were afraid, and then with practice, we were able to overcome that fear.
The same goes with other things in life, like giving a public speech. For a lot of us who struggle with that, you know, we're afraid, we have anxiety, and we're insecure about giving public speeches. So how do we deal with that? Practice, practice, practice. We do it in front of a small group, in front of a mentor or counselor, we do it lots of times, in front of family and supportive people, and then we go on to bigger crowds until we can overcome that. We start small, we push ourselves out of the comfort zone, we seek help, we seek counseling, whatever venues of support, and that would definitely be helpful. So don't let your fear define you. Fear is healthy until it becomes paralyzing. So don't let that fear define you, just recognize that it's there, and see how you can overcome that in healthy ways. And then again, repetition, repetition, repetition. We develop skills by trial and error. We practice, we repeat things, we're consistent, and we've been talking about this over the past couple of episodes, we learn through practice. Practice makes permanent. We persist, and we stay consistent, inshaAllah.
Aadam 56:07
Yeah, absolutely. And the fear thing, just when you were talking about that, I thought of something that I've overcome recently, which is about public speaking. I'm not even going to lie, for a good number of times, for quite a while, it was very difficult. But, you know, alhamdulillah, I think I have gotten to a much more comfortable place. I'll just very quickly illustrate: I used to get anxious days before the event of speaking in front of people, and it was a regular monthly thing at work. But now, I start to feel a little nervous, maybe like half hour before. So it was through the process of doing it over and over that I could get to a better place with is. So sometimes, you have to persevere, like it will be painful for a while. But, alhamdulillah, like now that I've done it, I feel so much more confident and able to just be myself. So, definitely, please just persevere.
Also, own your own strengths. We hold on to negative things more than we do positive ones. Like we said before, 80% of our thoughts are known to be negative, right? So, having negative reviews, criticisms, mistakes, thinking things over and over again that didn't go right. And we can often be our own worst enemy. So, you know, remember, practice gratitude to remind ourselves of all the good things that we have in our lives, and putting Allah front and center, and committing extra time every day to remind yourself about your strengths, and actively thinking about them and being grateful for them at the same time, this can do wonders. I've used this and it actually helps. And I think it’s fascinating that 80% of our thoughts are negative. Imagine if we could just shift that by 10%, how could life change? Subhan Allah. And then what if we really flipped that, and it was 80% good and 20% bad? You know, subhan Allah, life would change drastically. So that, again, helps put things in perspective.
And remember to separate your weaknesses. So, absolutely, we should recognize our weak spots, there's some things that you won't be able to change. So you know if there's physical features that we have, or perhaps there's just some aspect of a thing that we're just not so good at. This is absolutely fine, it’s part of life, we all have different strengths and weaknesses, and we should learn to manage and navigate those. And we leverage them in shifting our focus, instead of becoming fixated on a weakness, but shifting our focus to think that we can change and evaluate how we can gradually change those things about us that are perhaps weak, where possible. We all have flaws, everybody has flaws. And I think the most successful people just learn to manage them, basically, and leverage the best parts of themselves, their strengths. So, yeah, it’s very important to remember that when we think about the things that we think are our weaknesses.
Waheed 59:21
Absolutely. And another very important piece of advice is to stop comparing ourselves to other people. This comes from a mentality of scarcity, especially in this time and age with social media being there, you know, we look at other people's accomplishments or their vacations and you know, what they're doing and all of that, you know. People are advertising about themselves 24/7, and it's very easy to slip into that mentality of “I'm not good enough!” “Look at them, they're better than me!” and start comparing ourselves to other people. How do we shift from that mentality? By practicing gratitude and by having that mentality of abundance rather than scarcity. It's not like I have less and they have more, but rather, I have enough. This is the mentality of being grateful, we are grateful for whatever Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala has given us, and we don't know what is going on in other people's lives. People don't share their dirty laundry as they say, they only share the most glamorous aspects of their lives. So just keep that in mind.
Every person is unique, everyone has their own path, their own story, their own insecurities and struggles, ups and downs, and things that they don't share. It's not fair to compare yourself to other people or other people to you. The only person you should be comparing yourself to is you from yesterday. Am I improving? Am I getting closer to Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala? Am I fulfilling my goals and dreams? Or am I regressing? There are also tangible things that you can do to look confident as well. You can modify how you dress, the body language, all of this changes the way that you are perceived by others, how people behave towards you, and how you perceive yourself. When you stand, stand straight. When you sit, sit straight. Be confident. When you dress, dress well. Maintain an open stance and don’t be closed on yourself and appear timid. Take care of yourself, because you are worthy of being taken care of. Be there for yourself and take care of yourself, because you are worthy. And this is necessary. So these are things that you can actually do that give you a boost of confidence, and this is necessary as well.
Aadam 1:01:39
Yeah. And we can also set attainable goals and habits, and we've spoken about this at length before, we talked about SMART goals and all of these things, about how we should be setting things that are realistic and achievable, and all of this. Making sure that we measure our progress, and we can make it visual even to give ourselves a boost of confidence, as we realize that we're actually marking off our achievements. And when we do achieve and when we do progress, celebrate those wins and the progress that we're making. Celebrate that we've accomplished and finished something, and don't aim for perfection.
Waheed 1:02:21
Absolutely. And then learn new things, and don't always stay in your comfort zone. I know that this is easier said than done, but it's necessary. Try and push through and prove to yourself that you can succeed, and you will learn a lot of things on the way. And, again, you know, we've highlighted this over and over: Take care of the essentials, i.e. having adequate sleep, having proper and healthy food, getting your movement on a daily basis, this is necessary. Also try (well not try, but do) smell good! You know, research has shown that our smell can affect our own self-esteem, so this is one thing to keep in mind. And get your movement, get your exercise, we've highlighted this over and over, exercise leads to a release and rush of endorphins and happy hormones. There's that runner's high that you get, you know, you feel energized, you feel a boost of energy and mood. It improves our mood and self-esteem, and it builds confidence. So this cannot be overstated, absolutely.
Another piece of advice is to reduce exposure to TV and social media. You know, research after research has shown that it lowers motivation, and it reduces our chances in maintaining long-term goals. Spend your time doing useful things, productive things in your life. It doesn't mean you need to cut those things out completely from your life - if you can, then hallelujah, but if you can't, then reduce that as much as you can. So that's another thing to keep in mind.
Aadam 1:03:55
Yeah, and don't let those things overtake you or overcome you. Use them to give you a bit of relaxation, etc., but don't become consumed, that’s important. Another thing that's good for helping us build confidence is making sure we express ourselves. So many of us struggle with expressing ourselves verbally in groups. And it's to such an extent that we give up to other people's opinions very easily, we concede quite quickly. And many of us have found that starting with musical expression, whether for example you're playing an instrument, singing, or writing stories or poetry, all these things can boost our confidence and help us to express ourselves, which then feeds into our ability to verbally express ourselves, so that when we're in a group setting, and we have something good to say, we won't shy away from it because we're afraid, but rather we take the leap and we see what we need to say. And we channel our feelings into what we're doing, as a result.
We can also help. Helping people is so good for boosting our confidence as well. So, helping someone, being of service, it gives us a sense of purpose. Giving back to others improves our own social skills, injects positivity into our life and reduces stress, allows for a gush of oxytocin and all the feel good hormones. And, at the same time, you're helping other people, you're spreading goodness. So, it's a win-win situation.
Waheed 1:05:34
Absolutely, 100%. With regards to obstacles, because we will face obstacles and challenges in life, how do we deal with obstacles? A very nice TED talk that, again, you can find in the episode description is called “How to Build Self-Confidence” by CeCe Olisa, she talks about four things through which we can build self-confidence and overcome obstacles. So, the first thing that we can do, when we are facing some challenges and obstacles, is try and identify those obstacles You can use a generic sentence like “My life wouldn't be perfect if…” and try to continue that sentence. And that would show you the excuse that is keeping you away from living the life that you aim for. Like “My life would be perfect if I had better work hours, and I was able to manage my work and personal life.” So, that would give you an idea about where your obstacle is, maybe it's your workplace, or maybe it's your lack of boundaries when it comes to your colleagues or your boss, whatever that you're dealing with, that would be thing that you think is keeping you away from living the life that you aim for, but rather, maybe that's an excuse that you have in your mind, for example.
Now, another thing to ask yourself is, “What would your life look like if that obstacle disappeared?” There's a Harvard psychology study that she talks about where it showed that the brain doesn't differentiate between real and imagined memories. So the power of visualizations is tangible, actually, and if you visualize how your life would be like if you didn't have this particular challenge or obstacle, then you are more likely to achieve that, and your brain would aspire for it and make it a reality. So that's something to also keep in mind.
And then with regards to that particular obstacle that you have identified, try and address that, you know, seek help, again, maybe therapy if it helps, coaching, mentoring, seeking the help of your support system, other experts in the field who can help you navigate that, because they have expertise in dealing with that, maybe research about this, learn about this, read about it more, address that particular obstacle in so many different ways, and learn about it so you can eventually overcome that.
And, finally, choose to live the life that you imagine today. The one that you imagine in the future, choose to live that on a daily basis, and you will actualize that in your daily life and you will turn that into a reality, inshaAllah.
1:08:19
And with this, we have come to the end of today's episode, which is part two of our series on self-esteem, and this wraps up our entire season, season four of “A Way Beyond the Rainbow”, which has been dedicated to the path of healing and recovery. We hope that you guys have enjoyed the topics presented this season, found them beneficial and have learned from them, inshaAllah. Aadam, jazak Allah khairan once again for joining me over the past four episodes as well as the episodes on complex trauma this season. It’s always a pleasure to have you as a co-host. Any last words that you would like to share with us before we end today?
Aadam 1:08:59
Thank you for having me, alhamdulillah, and it's great that we've got to this point, and you've done an amazing job with all of the episodes, mashaAllah. We pray that we can all benefit from the content as much as we're on the other side of the microphone or speaker even, you know, a lot of this as a reminder for us as well, we're not perfect and we're constantly dealing with a lot of these issues as well. So, may Allah help us all. Making du’aas that everybody listening can push through to the next level of their life and they continue doing that.
Waheed 1:09:38
Indeed, ameen. Barak Allah feek for your wise words, jazak Allah khairan. So, this wraps up our season four, inshaAllah we'll take a tiny break, and we will be back with the fifth and the last season of this podcast, inshaAllah. And as always, you can listen to us on your favorite podcast apps and on the website awaybeyondtherainbow.buzzsprout.com, and you can find all the transcripts as well for every episode. And you can write to us anytime on awaybeyondtherainbow@gmail.com. Until next time, stay safe and healthy. This has been Aadam and Waheed Jensen in “A Way Beyond the Rainbow”, assalamu alaikom wa rahmatullahi ta’ala wabarakatuh.